When They Don’t Leave Home?

I blog to get people to donate to kid’s charities. I don’t want money, I want you to donate direct to a children’s charity then write to me by commenting on the blog. Please read the ‘About Lesley’ section of the blog to find out why I do this; the Comments and Running Totals pages to see how far we have come….

This is the second of my posts with a topic suggested by my lovely twitter pals. The subject today is how long do we expect children to live at home as suggested by the delightful @IainMonty!

For me, this topic is all about the need for independence versus the wherewithal to have it. The economy is such that many of our children who are finishing courses at university or apprentices in trades and vocations will struggle to find work. This is nothing to do with their talents but rather the lack of opportunity in the marketplace. We also have the situation that many 18 year-olds will find themselves without a place in further education as the cuts bite harder. Their choices are limited to gap year, part-time work/volunteering if possible or mooching around the house…..

Coupled with this, the housing market has been through turbulent times. There are those who would say that it is on an upward trend. However, the price for any kind of starter home/flat is still beyond the reach of most of our young people. So, their options can be few. I am delighted for those who do get a job and are able to start their ‘grown-up’ life during this time but it won’t happen for many.

I have direct experience of this topic as my eldest son left home to go to University in England for 4 years. He then wanted to attend a post-grad course in Belfast so, after complete independence for a long time, came home for 18 months…….

I did have a conversation with my son as soon as he came home. I wanted to warn him that I was certain he would feel constrained in some ways simply by living with his parents again. I also wanted to hint, not in a subtle way, that he would have to pitch in and help. All of this was agreed to, agreeing I find is easy.

At this time my son was 23 and I had no wish to put rules on a grown man. I have always welcomed my children’s friends and have discovered various sofas occupied many times; there tend to be beer cans strewn about at the same time. This is fine, it doesn’t take long to pick them up and make many slices of toast when required. However, when you have lived away and return home something has changed. You want to apply your way of living to a way of life you thought you had left behind. Readjusting to the pace of someone else’s lifestyle, even one you happily occupied for all your childhood, is hard. I could see the small irritiations passing across my son’s face even though he never said a word. For me it was wonderful to have him home again but I saw the changes in him too. He was a grown man and it was unnatural to be living in another adults space.

Don’t get me wrong, this wasn’t horrible for him and he was happy to be at home with his family but his world had changed as ours had stayed much the same. It was a happy time but I was glad for him when he did move back to England, he wanted to make his own way and this was and is the right thing to happen.

So, my angle on this theme of the kids staying at home? Talk about it, it is wonderful to have them there but everyone needs to understand that it can be difficult.

I haven’t even touched on the food bills, the laundry, the parents feelings that they are re-entering some kind of servitude. To be honest, I don’t want to. We all know that aspect of it before they leave home, you really don’t need me to tell you that returning children will expect hot dinners, clean clothes and absolute control of the tv……

Before I close with the normal message, you all know it, I don’t really need to say it but this is what it looks like when they return!

Oh, For Goodness Sake!

I love my children but sometimes I could cheerfully rant for a week! This is a picture from my house, I did not download this image. I do tidy and I do clean but it can take me time to get ready to face this. I do ask, nag, cajole and threaten and they do it but the effort it takes to nag, cajole and threaten can be more that if I do it myself. However, I persist as they do have to learn, don’t they?

As always I will close with my normal request to you:-

• Donate to a valid children’s charity of your choice. It is easy to do – online, collection boxes, Give as You Earn. Any amount is important and I am delighted for one pound, dollar, euro, yen to reach a charity.

• Visit this blog and comment anywhere with the charity, amount including currency and please also tell me what you wanted to be when you were 8. I love the stories of childish ambitions.

I will then:-

• Add your donation to the Totals page on this blog, totals are updated weekly.
• I will also write some words about the current donations and the charity
• All comments will be stored on the comments page so that you can see what charities people are interested in and also what a variety of 8-year-old ambitions we have already. I am looking forward to way more surprises from you all.

The steps are simple. Again, if you like the idea please tell others so that they will come and tell me their stories.

Take care of you and yours.

Lesley